Wednesday, October 13, 2021
A Life Well Lived Together
Last Friday, October 8, 2021 at approximately, 1:30 AM, I lost my beloved Peggy, after a long and hard suffering bout with endometrial cancer. I mention the time because Peggy always tried to keep me up at night so I could keep her company. I would want to go to bed, around 10:30 or 11:00 and my night owl would want me to stay up with her until she was ready but she seldom slept until morning. Go ahead ask some of her friends, she would get on the phone with them or our daughter Mary Kate and chat about who knows what and who. Me I never heard a word of any of it and slept on.
We were blessed with a wonderful life. A beautiful daughter, many wonderful friends, family to keep us occupied, travel and just the simple pleasures of watching Jeopardy or one of the many cooking shows that we seemed to agree on. We learned many a chef trick of technique for the kitchen but I also remember the profound loss we felt when Carl the Cuban on Guys Grocery Games passed away, to young and quite unexpectedly. Although we never met this gentleman, I can still remember how we identified with his personality and unbelievable sense of humor.
I only mention this loss as a way to describe my feelings but it is not even close to the profound personal loss, I feel of my best friend, my soul mate (I guess I never mentioned that to her), my traveling buddy, my life’s companion and so much more. We were always busy going nowhere. We loved each other; we knew each other’s thoughts, moods, preferences and so much more. We knew how to work together. Try putting on a dinner party for 15 or 20 friends, never mind the St. Patrick celebrations for more than 60 or more people at a time. Our home was always open to everyone. A holiday was always a celebration with as many friends and family who were welcomed with open arms and her loving generosity.
Peggy loved people! She loved to talk to everyone, to find out about their lives and share ours. She loved her friends, those from where she had worked and anywhere she had met them along the road that was her life. She loved to get together with any and all of them as often as our lives would allow. She made friends (for us) where ever we went. Whether we were on a cruise, a bus trip or just having dinner somewhere. If someone returned her warm and friendly smile, she opened up to them. She had such a knack. She kissed the Blarney Stone. Yes, I witnessed her do it! Although in Peggy’s case it was not necessary. She came by it naturally. He parents were far from shy and she did not fall far from the tree.
Peggy retired from Lahey Clinic in 2017.She hated the job but loved the people. She wanted me out too but I made her wait. Working for yourself, affords you the freedom to enjoy your time and not have a boss to respond to and gave us some freedom. We loved to just go to the Bass River for long extended weekends. Thursday night to Late Monday night wasn’t that bad. And Peggy would drive both ways. An hour and forty minutes, door to door. She was the night hawk and also always my designated driver, I was truly spoiled. I have been truly blessed.
Through this terrible Pandemic, I have lost my Mother in February and now my love in October. I had prayed we would get to celebrate our 38th Anniversary on October 1 and we did. I bought her a soft, deep blue cotton nightgown and a card that I could not get the words out of my mouth to read to her. Mary Kate and I shared a spaghetti and meatball dinner with her in her room at Ledgewood Rehab. It may not have been a romantic setting but you could have fooled me.
It honestly, didn’t matter what type of restaurant we went to. Peggy’s go to meal was spaghetti and meatballs. While she was in the rehab, I often went out of my way to pick one up for her and ending up eating most of it. I think over the past few months she ordered it for me to eat. I think she was afraid I was not eating. There was not a moment that she was not thinking of MK or myself.
During her illness, I ended up caring for the house. Peggy and I had a true division of labor agreement. The house was hers. I was spoiled. The only time in my life I did laundry was about four times that I used the laundry equipment when I lived in the dorm, back at Salem State. When I once volunteered to help with the clothes, she indignantly told me no. You will ruin the lot so stick to what your good at and by the way, not mess up her kitchen. I have now managed to learn to use the washer- dryer and have only flooded the house once to which she did have a good laugh. I could not allow the rehab laundry to over bleach her clothes or nightgowns or mix them with everyone else’s. So I brought them home. I have learned to truly appreciate the gift(s) she gave me.
When we cooked together which was often, I would often look for a spoon or a pan I was using, which was always already in the dishwasher and the counter cleaned of whatever debris I left behind. All we could do was share a laugh with each other following a few cursory words. The house was in her own words, always “clean enough to eat off the floors”. Oh was I spoiled.
On returning from Florida this year, I knew she was not feeling well. I had for years been asking her to hire a cleaning person. She never would with the exception of a wonderful woman on the Cape who always opened up for us in the spring, to get out the spider webs and dust before the Yarmouth St. Patrick’s Day Parade Party (Old fashioned Irish Breakfast, corned beef sandwiches for lunch and dinner at one of the area restaurants for 15 or so hold and stay overs). So I hired three very nice women who clean the house once every two weeks. I overheard Peggy telling one of her friends, He (meaning me) hired someone to clean for himself and it takes 3 of them to replace me.
She was right, she is irreplaceable.
The wake and funeral are this week. I am hoping I will be able to get through it. In the past when I went to one or both, I never knew what to say beyond “so sorry for your loss”. Peggy on the other hand, always knew just what to do and say. Just how to mingle, share gossip, witticism and heartfelt condolences for a life well lived or not. She knew the difference. Most times she shared her thoughts as she had a wonderful hopeful view on life. She believed until the pandemic that every day was to be celebrated and to be thankful to her God, her many Saints, her friends and family who had gone before.
We were both raised devout Catholics and once Mary Kate went off to New York we church surfed every Saturday at 4:00 PM. Wherever we found ourselves, in any town, state or country for that matter, we would check out the local action. Unfortunately, the television Mass over the past year had been our refuge and we watched faithfully to see if we knew the celebrant. Mass was our true quiet time together to reflect on our wonderful and blessed life together and our wonderful Mary Kate.
I have never been apart from Peggy. How Blessed I am for having her in my life for forty years. I pray heaven enjoys her, her sense of humor, her deep beautiful spirit, her ability to love, as much as I and our friends and family have.
Please rest in peace my love, I will miss you forever. Your devoted husband.
Frank
